Wednesday, July 6, 2011

What To Say After a Miscarriage

Last week, I wrote a post about what NOT to say after a miscarriage. The post generated a lot of traffic and, I hope, will prevent someone from unintentionally saying the wrong thing after a miscarriage. That being said, it's important that you don't allow your fears of saying the wrong thing to immobilize you. Those who have recently miscarried need your prayers . . . and they need your words of encouragement. I've put together this list of things you should say after a miscarriage. These are things that people said that encouraged me. Please keep in mind, though, that everyone is different. What helped me might not help someone else.

The most important thing when talking to someone who has recently miscarried is to think about your words, pray for God's guidance, and then relax and just show them you care. Even if you say something that's not exactly perfect, they'll be able to tell you love them. And that-in the long run-will mean more to them than words.

What To Say After a Miscarriage:

1. I'm sorry.

2. What can I do to help? (Or better yet, ask them if you can do something specific. Can I bring you a meal tomorrow night? Can I come over and watch your child? Can I clean your house this afternoon? In the midst of a crisis, it's difficult sometimes to think about what you need. If you come with an idea in mind, that makes it all the more helpful for the person grieving.)

3. I'm praying for you. (But please actually pray. Don't just say you will and then forget. Better yet, actually pray with them right then.)

4. I'll remember your baby with you. (This is especially powerful if you actually remember their baby around a due date or anniversary of loss.)

5. I'm here if you need to talk or cry.

6. I love you.

7. Life just sucks sometimes. (This is so much better, at least in my experience, than telling someone it was God's will that their baby died.)

Any other helpful comments?

1 comment:

  1. I like the "I'll remember your baby with you." I forgot that one. I never realized it would be so important until July hit. Most people just go on with their lives and forget the pain of those around them, and some even run away from the pain of miscarriage - I wonder if because the baby never lived or was seen, they feel like it didn't exist?