When God Doesn't Show Up

What do you do when God doesn't show up for you? When you've prayed and prayed for him to do a miracle and he doesn't?

I've been thinking a lot about this lately, and I want to share with you some of the things I've learned. Over the next few weeks, I'll be looking at a few Biblical figures who went through difficult situations. Each of these people went through a difficult circumstance in which God could have stepped in and saved them but for some reason chose not to.

To start, let's look at Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego from the book of Daniel. Here's a summary of what happened:

The Babylonians (and King Nebuchadnezzar) defeated Israel and forced many of the Israelites into captivity. Among these were Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. In chapter 3, Nebuchadnezzar set up an image of gold and required all of the people in his kingdom to bow down to it. Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego refused. Their refusal, of course, infuriated Nebuchadnezzar. He called them in and gave them one more chance to bow down. If they refused again, he told them he would throw them into the fiery furnace. Here's their response to Nebuchadnezzar's threat:

"If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand. But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up” (Daniel 3:17-18, emphasis mine). 

Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego believed that God would save them. "He will deliver us," they said. Not might or could, but will. They trusted that God would save them. 

I think we could take a lesson from that. When I pray, I often lack that kind of faith. Maybe it's because I've been let down before. Or maybe it's because I'm scared of being let down again. Whatever the reason, I often fail to really believe that God is going to come through for me. Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego believed God would save them. 

But don't stop there. Look at what they said next: Even if he does not.

They believed God would save them (and probably prayed like they believed), but stood firm that even if he chose not to save them, they would not bow. Even if God let them die in the fire, they would not turn their backs on him. They would be faithful, regardless.

As we've started thinking about trying again for another baby, I can't help but ask myself if I would be as faithful. Would I refuse to bow, even if God does not give us a healthy pregnancy? Would I be faithful even if it doesn't seem like He is? 

What's interesting about this text is that God did eventually save Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. But it was only after they had walked through the fire. 

I think it's the same for us. Eventually, if we remain faithful, God is going to make everything right. Eventually. But that doesn't mean we won't have to walk through the fire first. 

When Trying to Have a Baby Becomes Your Idol

For about 2 years, having a baby consumed my life.

It was all I thought about. Every time I used the restroom, I worried about a miscarriage. Every time I heard a song on the radio, I related it to our circumstances. I focused on having a baby so much that I failed to enjoy life. My focus was on the 3 children I had lost, rather than on the child I already had.

I heard everything through my own lens of pain. When someone complained about their difficult day with a newborn, I became angry. I lost one of the things I've always loved about myself-compassion.

To put it bluntly, I allowing our God-given desire to have a child to become my idol.

I mistakenly believed that if only we could have another child, then I would be happy. If only we could have a successful pregnancy, then I would be content. The problem with idols, though, is that they never fulfill like you think they will.

So far, God hasn't granted me a successful pregnancy (though he has blessed us with a baby through adoption.) I'm reading a new book by Pete Wilson called "Empty Promises." As I've read through this book, God has reminded me over and over again of one thing. Even if he does grant my desire for a healthy pregnancy, a baby will not provide happiness. Sure, it might temporarily fill a void in my life. But eventually, I'll want something else. Eventually, a new void will form. A new void that, if I don't fill it with God, will eventually take over my life.

For me, having a baby became my idol. It became the one thing that I thought about all the time. The one thing that I allowed to consume me. But it might be something else for you. A job maybe. Or a nicer home. Or a relationship. One thing I can promise you is this: that thing (whatever it is for you) isn't going to make you happy. At least not for the long haul. There's only One thing that will, and I hope you'll allow him to take over that void in your life.

A Prayer For When You're Wondering Where God Is...

"You’re telling me that faith is all I need
But fear is all that I can find in me...

I just need you to take my hand..."

Happy Birthday, Eden

A beautiful tribute my parents made for Eden last year    

 For some reason, all the dates that circle around Eden are more difficult than those that circle around Jessie and Ella. I don't know if it's because she was our first loss or because I allowed myself to get more attached or what, but for some reason, her due date and loss date sting a little bit more than the others...

This week should be Eden's first birthday. On Friday, she should turn one. A friend of mine had her beautiful daughter a couple weeks before we should have delivered Eden. At first, this made it really difficult. It was hard to see her and think I should have one too. It was hard to celebrate with her when all I wanted to do was roll into a ball and cry.

But now, I feel a weird sense of peace when I look at that sweet baby girl. As I watch her grow, I can see what mine should have looked like. When she smiles and laughs, I can imagine Eden doing the same thing. The only difference is that she's doing it in Heaven instead of here on earth.

Happy first birthday, Eden. I hope Jesus gives you a big piece of cake to enjoy on your special day.

Why Easter Changes Everything

Last Easter, my husband and I were grieving the loss of two babies: Eden, whom we lost in October 2010 and Jesse, whom we lost in January of 2011. This Easter, we celebrated the gift of a new baby. A baby I never expected to receive.

It's amazing to me how God can turn around anything and make it new.

He used three miscarriages to bring us a baby. Death to bring life. Pain to bring beauty.

At a time when I didn't think God cared anymore, he proved that none of my tears went unnoticed. This past weekend, we celebrated Easter. For me, it was an Easter I'll never forget. Not because of the egg hunts or the time with family (though I enjoyed both) but because I think I finally understand what Easter is all about.

It's all about reversals.

On Friday, Jesus' disciples thought all hope was gone. On Sunday, God turned it all around.

On Friday, Satan thought he won. On Sunday, God proved the opposite.

On Friday, Jesus died and was buried. But on Sunday, His resurrection brought our restoration.

Death bringing life.
Pain bringing beauty.
Easter changes everything.

My Greatest Fear

I read this post a few weeks ago on a friend's blog, and it spoke to me so much that I wanted to share it with all of you. I hope it ministers to your hearts as well.

Please click here to read the post in its entirety.

God Loves Broken People by Sheila Walsh

When I first saw Sheila Walsh's new book, God Loves Broken People (And Those Who Pretend They're Not), I knew I had to read it. It's a book that deals with real issues facing people today. It doesn't give fluff answers to life's serious questions, but instead offers hope in the midst of pain.

If you've been reading this blog for very long, you know my story. Three miscarriages in one year led me to a deeper feeling of brokenness than I've ever experienced before. One of the primary questions I kept coming back to was this: "If God really loves me, why does he seem to be ignoring my prayers?"

I believed that God was capable of changing my circumstances. I knew he was able. So why didn't he? Why didn't he step in and do something? I didn't doubt God's power. I doubted his love. I assumed that if he were able to do something (but chose not to), then he must not love me as much as he said he did.

What Makes A Mother?

To all the mothers whose babies are not at their sides...

Learning to Let Go

A couple of weeks ago, as I was getting my hair cut and talking with my hairdresser about our hopes for a healthy pregnancy in the coming months, I realized something. I don't really trust God with my future. I want to trust him. With all of my heart, I want to believe the verse that says his plans for me are good.

But if I'm really honest, I don't.

I'm afraid that when we try to get pregnant again, we'll have another miscarriage. Or maybe even have an unhealthy or stillborn child. If I've learned anything in the past two years, I've learned that God doesn't always give us what we want. We can pray non-stop, believe he's going to do a miracle, and still walk away empty-handed.

Our Adoption Story

Years ago, I listened in on a workshop about adoption. At that time, though, I didn't really think adoption was something my future held. After all, I had heard about how expensive it can be, and I knew we couldn't afford to adopt unless God did some major work ahead of time.

Then, after our third miscarriage, while in the middle of fertility testing, my husband and I were approached about possibly adopting a baby boy that was due in a couple of months. To say we were overwhelmed was an understatement.

What Helps After a Miscarriage?

I noticed that several people found my blog by searching for this: "What helps after a miscarriage?" Unfortunately, I didn't really have a post that talked about this. Well, I will now! Here a few things that helped me heal after our miscarriages:

1. Talking about it with someone I trusted, someone who wouldn't judge me for feeling angry or abandoned by God. (If you don't have anyone like this in your life, a counselor might be a good place to start. I know it's expensive. But if it helps you heal, a few sessions are worth the money.)

2012: The Year of . . .

Photo Courtesy of Petr Kratochvil/ freestockphotos.biz

In January of 2011, I asked the Lord to give us a year of rainbows. As I read that post this morning, I felt the pain all over again. At that point, I had only had one miscarriage. Two more followed in the months to come. Looking back now, 2011 was not the year of rainbows I hoped for. In fact, the majority of the year was pretty painful. More storms than clear skies.

This year, I'm not asking God to give me rainbows. That way, if he doesn't, I won't be crushed like I was last year. I am asking for something else, though.

The faith to take whatever the year sends my way. Do I want a pain-free year? Absolutely. Do I long for a healthy pregnancy? Sure. But this year, I know there are no guarantees. God never promised me a carefree life. He never promised health. Never promised the easy road. What he did promise was this: that he would be with me through it all.

So 2012, I'm claiming you as the year of faith. May I be faithful, regardless of the weather of my life.

Two Things That Help After a Miscarriage

As I write this post, a friend of mine is dealing with the loss of her baby. She, just as I did, saw a heartbeat at 8 weeks and then lost the baby at around 12. Would you take a moment to pray for her and her family this week?

I wish so much I could fix it for her. That I could do something to help heal her heart, to help give her hope. Her situation got me thinking about what it was that helped me through our miscarriages. When it comes down to it, I think there were two things that helped me survive:

God's Presence When He's Hidden: Quotes from the Esther Bible Study

I've been going through Beth Moore's Bible Study on the book of Esther this fall. God has used two books to really heal my heart this year: Pete Wilson's book, Plan B, and this study by Beth Moore. Here are just a few of the memorable quotes from the Esther study.

When God Uses a Miscarriage to Give You a Baby

Ever since our first miscarriage, I've wanted to know why. Why did God allow this to happen to us-not just once but three times? Why didn't he stop my body from miscarrying? He's capable of stepping in; why didn't he?

Blaming Yourself After a Miscarriage

Two things my doctor told me after our miscarriages:
1) You couldn't have done anything to prevent this.
And...
2) You didn't do anything to cause this.

October 15-Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Would you take time this weekend to remember those of us who are grieving the babies we never got to hold? October 15th also marks a one year point for Keith and I. One year ago Saturday, we lost the first of our babies, thus beginning a walk I never wanted to take.

Plan B Quotes

Last week, I wrote a post about the book, Plan B: What Do You Do When God Doesn't Show Up The Way You Thought He Would? by Pete Wilson. This week, I wanted to give you a taste of what this book has to offer. Here are a few of my favorite quotes from the book:

Plan B: The Book That Changed My Life

About a month ago, after our third miscarriage, a friend of mine bought me the book Plan B: What Do You Do When God Doesn't Show Up the Way You Thought He Would? by Pete Wilson. I love books. I think God uses the written word to work in peoples' lives. But never before have I read a book that literally changed my life. Allow me to explain how.

Waiting for the Sun to Shine Again

A few weeks ago, shortly after we miscarried again, I took Rylan on a walk around the block. I was feeling pretty down and, to be honest, pretty much hopeless about the future. Then I looked up and saw this: