For about 2 years, having a baby consumed my life.
It was all I thought about. Every time I used the restroom, I worried about a miscarriage. Every time I heard a song on the radio, I related it to our circumstances. I focused on having a baby so much that I failed to enjoy life. My focus was on the 3 children I had lost, rather than on the child I already had.
I heard everything through my own lens of pain. When someone complained about their difficult day with a newborn, I became angry. I lost one of the things I've always loved about myself-compassion.
To put it bluntly, I allowing our God-given desire to have a child to become my idol.
I mistakenly believed that if only we could have another child, then I would be happy. If only we could have a successful pregnancy, then I would be content. The problem with idols, though, is that they never fulfill like you think they will.
So far, God hasn't granted me a successful pregnancy (though he has blessed us with a baby through adoption.) I'm reading a new book by Pete Wilson called "Empty Promises." As I've read through this book, God has reminded me over and over again of one thing. Even if he does grant my desire for a healthy pregnancy, a baby will not provide happiness. Sure, it might temporarily fill a void in my life. But eventually, I'll want something else. Eventually, a new void will form. A new void that, if I don't fill it with God, will eventually take over my life.
For me, having a baby became my idol. It became the one thing that I thought about all the time. The one thing that I allowed to consume me. But it might be something else for you. A job maybe. Or a nicer home. Or a relationship. One thing I can promise you is this: that thing (whatever it is for you) isn't going to make you happy. At least not for the long haul. There's only One thing that will, and I hope you'll allow him to take over that void in your life.