Wednesday, May 30, 2012

When Trying to Have a Baby Becomes Your Idol

For about 2 years, having a baby consumed my life.

It was all I thought about. Every time I used the restroom, I worried about a miscarriage. Every time I heard a song on the radio, I related it to our circumstances. I focused on having a baby so much that I failed to enjoy life. My focus was on the 3 children I had lost, rather than on the child I already had.

I heard everything through my own lens of pain. When someone complained about their difficult day with a newborn, I became angry. I lost one of the things I've always loved about myself-compassion.

To put it bluntly, I allowing our God-given desire to have a child to become my idol.

I mistakenly believed that if only we could have another child, then I would be happy. If only we could have a successful pregnancy, then I would be content. The problem with idols, though, is that they never fulfill like you think they will.

So far, God hasn't granted me a successful pregnancy (though he has blessed us with a baby through adoption.) I'm reading a new book by Pete Wilson called "Empty Promises." As I've read through this book, God has reminded me over and over again of one thing. Even if he does grant my desire for a healthy pregnancy, a baby will not provide happiness. Sure, it might temporarily fill a void in my life. But eventually, I'll want something else. Eventually, a new void will form. A new void that, if I don't fill it with God, will eventually take over my life.

For me, having a baby became my idol. It became the one thing that I thought about all the time. The one thing that I allowed to consume me. But it might be something else for you. A job maybe. Or a nicer home. Or a relationship. One thing I can promise you is this: that thing (whatever it is for you) isn't going to make you happy. At least not for the long haul. There's only One thing that will, and I hope you'll allow him to take over that void in your life.


  1. Okay, so this is why I read blogs. I NEEDED to read this today.

    My circumstance is different from yours. I have two children, but I surely did not get pregnant easily. It took four years for number one and nine months for number two.

    We are trying for number three, and it's ridiculous how quickly that fear comes back. The fear that it won't happen. The wondering why and what if?

    I have two beautiful children. I could be happy with two. But I would like three and so I lament the uncertainty there rather than enjoying what I have been blessed with.

    Infertility of any type is a really tough journey. I try to see it through a spiritual lens, but the way it makes the most sense to me is thinking about it in terms of choices. It is what it is. What matters is how I react.

    And I need to learn to trust in God in order to ease the gripping fear.

    I really pray that things work out for you. I don't understand miscarriage, but I do understand the feeling of so desperately wanting a baby that you simply cannot get to.

  2. Thanks so much for the encouraging comment,Mandy. It's interesting how fears can be so similar, even when circumstances are different. I pray things work out for you and your family too. God bless!

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  4. Somehow I landed upon your blog today. I look forward to reading more, as we seem to share some things in common. (Years of obsession for a child; many miscarriages, etc.)

    I appreciated this post because you correctly identified one of the many lies in which we women get trapped: "I could be happy if I just had______."

    Satan does not care what/who we look at (even the God-given desire to bear and raise children) so long as we don't look to Jesus. Keep your eyes on Him. Trust Him. Everything else is empty and vain in comparison to His peace and grace.