Many of my friends are pregnant. One thing I've noticed about having a miscarriage is that it can create awkwardness. People don't know what to say. They wonder if they should just avoid the topic, or maybe avoid me altogether. This is especially a struggle for pregnant women.
I wanted to write this post for two reasons: 1) To help someone going through a miscarriage and 2) To help their pregnant friends know what to say.
If you're going through a miscarriage, be patient with yourself. Everyone handles it differently. For me, it was better to maintain contact with all of my friends-pregnant or not. I needed the support. I had already lost a child. I didn't want to lose a friend too. But I know of other women who couldn't be around pregnant people after they miscarried. It was just too hard. If this is you, that's okay too (although I do think it would be helpful to send them an email and explain why you need some space. Otherwise, they might not understand and feel hurt or angry). When we miscarried, I sent an email to every one of my pregnant friends. It was one of the hardest messages I've ever written, but I'm so glad I did it. In the email, I told them I was still happy for them even though I was hurting. And I told them how I wanted them to help. Be specific. Your friends love you. They want to do whatever is best for you. But they won't know what that is if you don't tell them.
If you're pregnant and have a friend who miscarried, my advice to you is this: ask her what she needs. If it's space, give her space. If it's words of encouragement, send her a card or call her. Don't be offended if she cries around you. It's not you that upsets her, but the reminder of her loss. And most importantly, don't give up on her. She might not act like herself. She's hurting. She's broken. Love her anyway.
My family and friends (both those who are pregnant and those who aren't) have done that for me. Do it for her too. She needs it.