Ever since our first miscarriage, I've wanted to know why. Why did God allow this to happen to us-not just once but three times? Why didn't he stop my body from miscarrying? He's capable of stepping in; why didn't he?
I still don't have an answer. Was it because he wanted me to understand what it feels like to lose a child? Was it because he wanted me to develop a ministry to other women? Was it because he wanted me to long for heaven more? Or maybe he didn't have a reason. Maybe he simply allowed it because we live in a fallen, painful world.
For months, these were some of the solutions I came up with. Unfortunately, these answers didn't really satisfy my heart. That is, until I came up with one more reason.
Maybe God allowed our miscarriages to give us a baby.
A couple of months ago, we were approached about a possible adoption. Keep in mind: we weren't pursuing adoption. Someone (a mutual contact of ours and the birthmother) thought of us because of our miscarriages. Long story short, we hope to bring home a new baby boy in mid-November!!
Was this how I planned to bring another baby into our home? Not exactly. But maybe this was God's plan all along. Maybe he allowed our miscarriages because this baby was supposed to be in our home. Because this baby was meant for our family. I know one thing for sure: had any of our pregnancies progressed, we wouldn't have been considered. It was because of our miscarriages that we were.
As we near this baby's due date, I feel confident he was meant for our family. And I can't wait to welcome him:)