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This year, I'm not asking God to give me rainbows. That way, if he doesn't, I won't be crushed like I was last year. I am asking for something else, though.
The faith to take whatever the year sends my way. Do I want a pain-free year? Absolutely. Do I long for a healthy pregnancy? Sure. But this year, I know there are no guarantees. God never promised me a carefree life. He never promised health. Never promised the easy road. What he did promise was this: that he would be with me through it all.
So 2012, I'm claiming you as the year of faith. May I be faithful, regardless of the weather of my life.
I just lost our first and only child -- she was stillborn at 31 weeks of pregnancy. I feel the same way as you write. I am afraid to pray for happy things, for rainbow babies, but I can pray for more of God, more of what He knows I need. I am still afraid even praying that, but it seems better.
ReplyDeleteOh Beth, I am so very sorry. No other words...
ReplyDeleteHello. I am very sorry for your loss. I have been in similar situation myself. I prayed for peace and comfort every day, but I still had very difficult time to cope. A friend of mine recommended a healing session transforming the loss through deep relaxation and imagery. It happened over the phone in one session, and it worked for me! I felt immediate relief. I still grieved, but without the overwhelming painful emotions, rather with peace and acceptance. I was back in the light outside of the darkness where I spent my days after the loss. This happened years ago, and it changed my life on many levels. I wanted to help other women to heal from their painful loss. I studied and trained and I became a facilitator of healing sessions myself. I see women in my office and I also conduct sessions via phone. If you would like to ease your pain, I would love to hear from you. Warmly, Sabina
ReplyDelete