A couple of weeks ago, as I was getting my hair cut and talking with my hairdresser about our hopes for a healthy pregnancy in the coming months, I realized something. I don't really trust God with my future. I want to trust him. With all of my heart, I want to believe the verse that says his plans for me are good.
But if I'm really honest, I don't.
I'm afraid that when we try to get pregnant again, we'll have another miscarriage. Or maybe even have an unhealthy or stillborn child. If I've learned anything in the past two years, I've learned that God doesn't always give us what we want. We can pray non-stop, believe he's going to do a miracle, and still walk away empty-handed.
Sure, I believe he will eventually work everything out for our good. But that doesn't mean he'll keep our worst nightmares from happening to us. I guess what it comes down to is this: I trust him to eventually do something good. I just don't trust him to do it the way I want him to.
And that's where the problem lies. I haven't really let go. I'm still trying to control the areas of my life that are beyond my control.
Would you pray for me as I try something? Every morning (and afternoon and evening-anytime I feel myself grabbing for control), I'm repeating a few verses in my head:
Philippians 4:13-I can do all this through him who gives me strength (to remind me that it is possible to change the way I think)
Philippians 4:6-Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God (to help me let go of my fears).
I'm curious. What other verses help you give up control? Maybe I'll add them to my list:)