Wednesday, March 7, 2012

7 Helpful Things to Say After a Miscarriage

A couple of weeks ago, I re-posted a popular article entitled "What NOT to Say After a Miscarriage." I really hope that post will prevent someone from unintentionally saying the wrong thing after a miscarriage.

That being said, it's important that you don't allow your fears of saying the wrong thing to immobilize you. Those who have recently miscarried need your prayers . . . and they need your words of encouragement. I've put together this list of things you should say after a miscarriage. These are things that people said that encouraged me. Please keep in mind, though, that everyone is different. What helped me might not help someone else.

The most important thing when talking to someone who has recently miscarried is to think about your words, pray for God's guidance, and then relax and just show them you care. Even if you say something that's not exactly perfect, they'll be able to tell you love them. And that-in the long run-will mean more to them than words.

What To Say After a Miscarriage:

1. I'm sorry.

2. What can I do to help? (Or better yet, ask them if you can do something specific. Can I bring you a meal tomorrow night? Can I come over and watch your child? Can I clean your house this afternoon? In the midst of a crisis, it's difficult sometimes to think about what you need. If you come with an idea in mind, that makes it all the more helpful for the person grieving.)

3. I'm praying for you. (But please actually pray. Don't just say you will and then forget. Better yet, actually pray with them right then.)

4. I'll remember your baby with you. (This is especially powerful if you actually remember their baby around a due date or anniversary of loss.)

5. I'm here if you need to talk or cry.

6. I love you.

7. Life just sucks sometimes. (This is so much better, at least in my experience, than telling someone it was God's will that their baby died.)

Any other helpful comments?


  1. So completely true....especially number 7. I was so tired of having people quote Jeremiah 29:11 at me, and just needed someone to agree along with me that life can be tough. Thanks for posting this Lindsey. With the anniversary of the day we lost our baby just a few weeks away, this is helpful.

    1. Anniversaries are really tough, so I'll be praying for you in the weeks to come. I'm glad this post was helpful. Thank you for sharing.