Wednesday, September 7, 2011

How to Tell Your Friends You Miscarried

If you haven't already figured it out, I'm an open person. It wasn't difficult for me to tell my friends and family we miscarried. But the other day, as I viewed some of the google searches that led people to my blog, I learned that some people aren't so comfortable sharing the bad news. Several people found my blog by googling "how to tell my friends I miscarried" or something similar. For that reason, I wanted to share some ideas that might help make the process easier (though I have to admit, it doesn't matter how you do it, it'll still be hard.)

1. Send a text message, email, or Facebook message. I know it's impersonal. I know some people might look down upon this method. But for me, it worked. I was able to get the news out without having to worry about the awkwardness of crying over the phone. Keep it simple, something like, "We lost our baby. I would appreciate your prayers."

2. Ask your husband to share the news. Losing a baby is hard on both the mom and the dad. But, at least in our situation, it was much harder on me. Allowing Keith to share the news and intercept calls (especially during those first few hours) allowed me the opportunity to know who called but not have to cry non-stop.

3. Enlist the help of your mom (or dad or close friend). My mom took the difficult task of telling my brothers, dad, and sister-in-law. I know it was hard for her, but it helped me tremendously.

4. Take the time you need. If you don't want to tell everyone immediately, don't. If you don't ever want to tell anyone, don't. For me, I needed my friends and family to know. Their support in those first few days carried me through the most difficult time. On the other hand, I know some people who never told more than a friend or two. For them, it was easier to keep it quiet. Do what's best for you, and don't worry about what everyone else will think. 

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