This topic continues to be one the primary searches that leads people to my blog. Because of this, I wanted to re-post a couple of articles I wrote last year about what not to say and what to say after someone has a miscarriage. This one was originally posted on June 29, 2011, shortly before our third miscarriage. I hope it helps you as you talk with your friends who have experienced a miscarriage.
What NOT to Say After a Miscarriage:
1. God needed your child more than you did. (Really? Because that would make Him a really weak God?)
2. You just have to trust His plans. God knows what he is doing. (Though true, it's not really helpful.)
3. At least you have one child already. (Just because I have one child doesn't mean it doesn't hurt to lose another-though I will admit Rylan helped tremendously with our miscarriages.)
4. You'll have another. Don't worry. (And what happens if we can't? Who knows? This miscarriage might be because of a problem that will haunt me for years.)
5. You have to trust God's timing. (Again, this is true. But it's not really helpful. It makes me think that God is up there, zapping my uterus just because it's not his time yet.)
6. I think it's time you get over it. (Who are you to judge when it's time to move on? Plus, grief is weird. What seems like a long time to someone might not be long enough for someone else.)
Any others? What has someone said to you in the midst of your grief that (though said with the best of intentions) wasn't helpful?