Sunday, October 17, 2010

Our New Normal

We named our baby Eden last night. Eden means "paradise." Giving him/her a name, for some strange reason, makes the miscarriage feel more real. We didn't just lose a fetus; we didn't just have a miscarriage; we lost a child. We lost a part of our family. I feel broken. Part of me wishes I never would have had the ultrasound. Then I could still be blissfully unaware that my baby died.

When I was going into surgery, I asked the nurses if they were going to check the baby again and make sure it was still gone. Part of me thought that maybe its heart would start beating again. Logically, it didn't make any sense, but I just wanted everything to go back to normal. Go back to the way it was on Wednesday, before I knew the truth.

I guess this is our new normal-taking it one day at a time. Short post today-too drained to think.

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