Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Pregnancy After a Miscarriage

I know people will say I'm making a mistake by announcing so early. They'll say we should wait until we're at least 12 weeks. And they'll say we should make the announcement more special (not over a blog). I understand their concern. But here's why we're doing it this way. Since losing Eden, fear has been a predominant emotion of mine. I'm afraid there's something wrong with me, that I did something to cause her death, that we won't be able to have another healthy baby. I don't want fear to rule my life. I wish I wasn't so scared. But I am. So I need prayer, and I want a large number of people to know we're pregnant again so they can pray for us. Disagree with my methods if you want. That's fine. I give you permission to do it differently. But I need people to pray with me throughout this entire pregnancy (not just from 12 weeks on).

That being said, we're expecting again. Based on my figures, we're due at the end of August or beginning of September. We already had a miscarriage scare this past week. Right after my first positive test, I started bleeding. (If you're a guy reading this, I apologize for the bluntness. But I have to be honest.) I called the doctor first thing Monday morning and had various tests run all week long. As of last Thursday, my hormone levels were rising as they should. The nurse recommended I be "cautiously optimistic." So that's what I'm trying to do-remain hopeful but still cautious.

Part of me wants to be overjoyed and thrilled about our third child beginning to grow in my belly. But another part of me doesn't want to be disappointed again. I don't want to get my hopes up just to have them crushed by a still baby on an ultrasound screen. I have more tests Thursday and hopefully an ultrasound on Friday.

I know this isn't a fun announcement. I apologize that many of you are finding out over the Internet. Please bear with me. I think the days of fun announcements to friends and family are gone for me. Instead, it's an announcement/prayer request. Please keep the prayers coming. I need them...

By the way, if you're reading this and recently had a miscarriage, you can rest assured. This blog will continue to be about healing from a miscarriage. I won't fill it with baby pictures or joyful pregnancy announcements. I will only talk about pregnancy as it relates to my miscarriage. So you're still safe here. 

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