When facing a crisis, our natural tendency is to ask, "Why is this happening?" Over the past six months, I've asked "why" more times than I can count. Why did our two babies die? Why did a loving God allow that to happen? Why does he feel so distant? Why are we struggling so much to have a healthy baby? I think I've known all along that I'll never find an answer that satisfies my heart. Even if I understood why, it wouldn't take away the pain. It wouldn't bring our babies back.
The other day, while reading through various blogs I follow, I came across
Michael Hyatt's post about adversity. In it, he listed seven better questions to ask in the midst of a trail. Instead of asking "why," ask these questions:
- What if this isn’t the end but a new beginning?
- What if the answer to my prayer is just over the next hill?
- What if this is necessary in order for me to be prepared for the next important chapter in my life?
- What if God knows exactly what I need at this particular time?
- What if God is speaking to me through means I would not have chosen for a blessing I cannot see?
- What does this experience make possible?
- What will I be telling my grandchildren that I learned was so valuable in this season of my life?
The one that hit me the most is number four. What if God knows exactly what I need at this particular time? Since we miscarried the second time, I've questioned God's nearness. I've always said that God is closest to us when we're going through a trial than any other time in our lives. But to be honest, he hasn't felt close. He hasn't felt near. This question got me thinking, maybe that's what I'm supposed to be feeling. Maybe God wants me to be able to relate to those who feel alone in a crisis. Maybe without feeling alone, I wouldn't be able to understand. Maybe that's exactly how I need to feel right now.
So is God allowing me to feel alone on purpose? Is he causing it? Who knows. But I'd much rather it be that than be because he really is distant...
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