Sunday, August 7, 2011

Baby Blues Without the Baby

I haven't done enough research to know if this is a medical fact or not, but I'm convinced it is. It's not necessary to have an infant to have baby blues. Now that I've gone through three miscarriages within a year, I'm certain that women who miscarry struggle with postpartum depression. (Granted, it might be hard to differentiate postpartum depression from grief; nonetheless, my hormones are not right. And the more times I miscarry, the more I'm convinced that it's deeper than grief. It's biological in nature.)

Yesterday, to get my mind off of everything, I started planning how I wanted to redecorate Rylan's room. I searched online until I found the perfect "All Sports" bedspread. Then we packed up the family and headed to town to buy the bedspread and matching paint. Unfortunately, when we arrived at Target, the bedspread I wanted was sold out.

It shouldn't have been that big of a deal. The store offered to provide me a raincheck, so I could probably get it within a week or two at the same discounted rate. Did that matter to this crazy woman? Nope. I (thankfully) held myself together while I was in the store. But as soon as we made it to the car, I felt the tears gather in the corners of my eyes. I was crying over a bedspread-pathetic. And not at all like me.

Postpartum depression isn't reserved for those holding infants in their arms. It hits those of us who lose our babies mid-pregnancy too.

So next time you see a woman tear up over a sold-out item or cry because of a mess, try to give her a break. Just because she doesn't look pregnant doesn't mean she might not have recently miscarried. Who knows what she's going through? Those tears might be the result of something much deeper than a missing bedspread; they might be the result of a missing baby. A baby that her arms longed so much to hold.


  1. I agree. i believe that a woman does have the same postpartum depression symptoms with a miscarriage. why not? the same hormones are leaving your body.

    i had depression after the birth of my first child to a great degree. i had depression with my miscarriage to a lesser degree but it seemed to be more intense. like you pointed out, the combination of hormones and grief. with my third child i had little to no depression.

    praying for you and your family, melinda

  2. (((Hugs))) to you, Lindsey. I just came across your blog via Mary DeMuth on Twitter - posting the guest piece you wrote on her blog. I just skimmed through and subscribed.

    I'm so incredibly *sorry* for your losses. I can relate to what you're going through. I also had three miscarriages in a year, back in 2003.

    I have gone on to have our 3 daughters since then. I stay at home with them. However, I'm working on a book dealing with spiritual issues in the midst of pregnancy loss. If you're interested in checking it out, my web site is: and my blog is: My passion is helping other ladies - I co-moderate two online support groups for women who have the same issues I dealt with, which is mainly uterine anomalies. I have read piles of miscarriage books, mostly by Christian authors, and lots of them *touch* on spiritual issues, but none went to the depth that I was seeking, so that is my motivation to write a book. In fact, this possibility just hit me and I don't know what you think...I know we don't even know each other, but what about the possibility of co-authoring?

    Anyway, on point of this post, yes, I believe you're experiencing PPD mixed with grief & whacky hormones. I get it. I will pray for you, my sister.
    ~Kristen Hamilton

  3. Hi Kristen,
    I'm so glad you found me through Mary's blog. And I so appreciate all of your encouragement. I've found the same thing with books about miscarriage. They just don't get deep enough for me. I'd definitely be interested in talking further. I was wanting to write a book myself so it'd be great to hear your perspective on it too:)

    Thanks again for the prayers. Very much needed right now...