The last few weeks have been difficult for me. We heard our baby's heartbeat at the ultrasound a few weeks ago, so I want to be excited. I think people assume I should be excited now. After all, the chances of a miscarriage after seeing a heartbeat go way down. Nonetheless, I've still been living in fear. I think I'm just waiting for the bottom to drop out. I'm waiting for the call from the doctor, the bad test result, or the bleeding to begin.
Even though I think it makes sense for me to be nervous, God has been teaching me these last few weeks that it's wrong for me to live in fear. I can't do anything to prevent a miscarriage. If something is going to go wrong, I can't stop it. So why ruin the time I have by fretting? Why steal all the joy from today by worrying about tomorrow? Why try to control something I can't control?
Jesus once asked his followers, "Can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?" (Matthew 6: 27). As much as I wish worry could guarantee a good ultrasound tomorrow, it can't. So this week, I'm going to try not to worry. I'm going to try to stop living in fear. Want to join with me?
Oh, Lindsey. I met you through your guest post on Mary DeMuth's blog today. I get this, Lindsey. Not to the extent you have experienced, but I get this. And I get this living in fear... and recently realized this truth, too. I live in fear easily... way too easily. But God is showing me this same thing. There is literally nothing I can do to prevent a miscarriage. So I need to just lean on Him, hard.
ReplyDeleteYou're right. Learning to let go and trust is such a hard thing to do-something I struggle with every single day.
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