When I was working on a post about what not to say to someone after she has miscarried, I had several women tell me what people had said to them. One of the comments was this: "Don't you think it's about time you got over it already?"
It is to that comment that I want to write today. I'm sure the motives of this person were good. I'm sure they thought that by encouraging her to move on, they would help. Good motives or not, though, this was not helpful.
Here's why: grief is weird. It's not something we can put on a timetable. It's not even linear. It's circular. It works its way through an individual with ups and downs. Even when someone feels like she has pretty much healed, grief can still rear its head again in the future.
As much as I hate the grieving process, I'm learning that it's really not all that bad. For one thing, it is through grief that we heal. Even more than that, though, it is through grief that we feel the depth of our love for someone.
Plain and simple: we grieve because we love.
I will NOT force myself to stop grieving, because I will not stop loving. Neither should you.